Thinking About "Doing It?"

Deciding whether and when to become sexually active is a big decision for most people. Some people may choose to have a relationship and not have sex. They find other ways to be close with their partner - such as hugging, kissing, massaging, talking and holding hands.

When two people are deciding to have sex, they need to talk about each person's feelings and needs:

• How does each person feel about having sex?
• What are their concerns and fears? When deciding to become sexually involved it's good to plan ahead:
• How would being sexually active change the relationship?
• Are you willing to accept the pleasures and the risks (pregnancy, potential STIs) that come with being sexually active? Thinking and planning ahead will help you have a positive experience the first time you have sex.

Sometimes it's hard to know whether to have sex or not. You might be in a relationship and feel like it's something you "should" do. There may be social pressures to have sex - from friends, or your boyfriend or girlfriend. On TV, sex is treated like it’s the main thing in a relationship. There may also be pressures not to have sex - which often come from family or religious organizations.

There are also gender stereotypes that influence our decisions about sex: many girls feel pressured not to have sex (don't be a slut!) and boys feel pressured to have sex (don't be a loser or gay!).

There is no specific age or "magical time" when a person is "ready" to have sex. It depends upon each individual's values and beliefs.

When deciding to have sex, there are some important things to ask yourself:

• Why do you want to have sex? Is it to make your partner happy or is it something you both want? Are you doing it to prove you are attracted to someone?
• Are you feeling pressured to have sex? Where are these pressures coming from (media, friends, partner)?
• Are you ready for the emotional involvement that comes along with sex?
• Have you talked with your partner openly about becoming sexually involved?
• Are you willing to have safer sex?
• How would a pregnancy or STI affect your lives?
• What would happen if your parents found out? How would they feel? How would you feel about them knowing?

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