Questioning “normal”

Lots of people think that being heterosexual (attraction between a man and a woman) is what is “normal,” and that anything that is different isn’t. But who decides what is “normal”? The truth is that there is no single definition of what is “normal” and what isn’t – it depends on definitions that vary according to society and culture you live in. Imagine if everyone was homosexual and only a small number of people were heterosexual. What would be normal then?

For the purposes of this imagination activity, pretend that you are straight (even if you aren't, or aren't sure):

You wake up one morning and the country's most popular boy band is playing on the radio. You hear the DJ say that their concerts are all sold out. That means 50,000 men in the audience... going wild, cheering and screaming for their favourite band member. Every day is like this... you go to school and you see same sex couples - boy/boy and girl/girl - holding hands and maybe making out in the hallways. Girls talk about other hot girls and guys crack jokes about other hot guys.

It seems like everyone's gay - everyone talks about their same-sex partners, all the TV show characters are gay, your teacher only talks about gay relationships. And when straight people are mentioned, it's only in negative ways. You are quiet, because you like the opposite sex! And you know that if other people found out about it they would make fun of you. You hear everyone making fun of people they don't like by calling them "breeders" (that's the name given to straight people). Breeders is a bad word; it is used to put people down.

You feel like lying or pretending you are homosexual just to fit in. You feel a little freakish because it seems like you are the only person who's straight.

You feel alone, very alone. When you go home and turn on the TV... the soaps are showing gay and lesbian couples. Where are the people like yourself, the "breeders"... the people that like the other sex??? You know they exist, but where are they?

One day, a very lucky day, you see a straight person on a late night talk show. Everyone is booing... like they have never seen a straight person before. They are calling him/her derogatory names. So you turn off the TV... don't go on the internet... don't talk to your friends... and stay at home wondering what is wrong with you. Why can't you be gay like everyone else?!

Does this situation seem scary: feeling like you are the only person in the world who's "different?" That's how it can feel for youth who are gay, lesbian, or bisexual. Often they feel like the only ones... even though they aren't. When people are afraid of gays, lesbians, or bisexuals, it is called homophobia. Does homophobia happen because some people are afraid of being different themselves? Afraid of things they don't really know about?

It's hard to be considered "different," especially in high school. Youth who are "queer" face a lot of harassment and discrimination in school. People often call them names and they have a hard time being who they really are. Rates of suicide are highest among gay and lesbian youth because of the prejudice and discrimination they face.

A good way for people who see themselves as straight to show that they are not afraid is to support people who are gay/lesbian/bisexual. You can do this by:

• Letting everyone be free to define their sexuality for themselves.
• Not letting others make fun of queer people or tell anti-gay jokes.
• Not using the words "fag", "gay", and "lezzie" as putdowns.
• Talking with a supportive counsellor about setting up a gay/straight alliance in your school. These groups are made up of straight, gay, lesbian, bisexual and questioning teens to help fight homophobia.
• Not assuming that everyone is straight... i.e. the first question you ask your new friend should not be who their boyfriend or girlfriend is.
• Being supportive when a friend tells you they think they're gay.
• Not thinking that gay people are weird or crazy.
  

PS: Don't think that just because a friend is telling you that they are gay, that they are interested in you!

PPS: Don't ask people why they are gay, lesbian, or bisexual because they probably aren't asking you why you are straight!

“Sometimes, I think people who are homophobic are simply not comfortable with their own sexuality. But I do not want to judge them. Some people have been raised to shun homosexuality. But I also think that when people reach a certain age, and maturity, they are capable of opening their eyes and making their own judgements. I think we need to communicate more, create more understanding, and hopefully, mutual acceptance."
Straight Female, 19

"I can't stand homophobic people. They make me very angry. But on the other hand they must have had some sort of influence during their upbringing. Or maybe they are scared of the influence that a gay or bisexual person will have on them."
Straight Male, 18

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