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What is Sex?

What's the big deal about sex?
There are rules about sex?
Is it normal?
Are we having it yet?
Beyond doing it
Digital Sex
Oral Sex
Anal Sex

What's the big deal about sex?

Well i have a question whats the big deal about sex i mean pregnancy is the price you gotta pay for having sex in the first place right i just dont understand what the big deal is...

Great question! Sex means different things to different people so each person would have a different way of explaining "what's the big deal" about sex. If you take all these layers of meaning off of "sex", it's a physical process that can provide a lot of pleasure and also carries some serious risks: pregnancy, STIs, and HIV. So, without looking at the meanings we attach to sex, the possible consequences - being a parent before we are ready, being infected with a germ that can cause infertility, dealing with sores around your genitals, or even death - can definitely be a big deal! Thankfully, all of these risks can be reduced through the proper use of a condom.

Now, if we step aside from looking at sex as just a physical experience and its consequences, there are lots of social and emotional reasons that make sex a big deal. Many people see sex - in all its forms, including kissing - as a way of expressing their love and affection for someone else. And loving someone tends to be a "big deal" for most of us, associated with possible emotional risks like a broken heart. Sex also involves a great deal of physical intimacy and vulnerability. Most of us find it difficult to be vulnerable physically and emotionally for fear that we'll be hurt. Another reason sex is a "big deal", is that there are also lots of "rules" about sex (who can have sex, what it means, etc.) that we learn from our cultures and religions, which affect how we think and feel about sex.

These are just a few reasons that sex is a "big deal". I'm sure you'd get lots of other answers if you asked some adults you trust. Out of all the answers you may get about why sex is a big deal, the most important one is your own! What does sex mean to you? What do you need from your partner and yourself before physically intimate? Knowing this will help you make the best choices possible for you about your sexuality.

There's rules about sex?! Tell me what they are!

Hey! How come they changed the age of consent from 14 to 16? I don’t get it.

Great question! So…yes, you’re right. On May 1 2008, the Canadian government did increase the age at which someone can legally consent to have sex with someone to 16. This is simply to further prevent anyone from being taken advantage of sexually and ensuring that sex truly is consensual and that there are no other factors at play (peer pressure, partner pressure etc.). However, it gets kinda tricky…just because someone reaches the age of 16 does not mean that they are all of a sudden not vulnerable to be taken advantage of too (or even ready for sex for that matter!)…there are instances where sex is still not considered consensual and these are:

a) if someone is under the influence of drugs or alcohol or anything that may cloud their judgement and
b) if their would-be partner is in a position of power ie. A coach or a teacher or supervisor etc.).

Also, although they did raise the age that someone can consent to sex from 14 to 16 (so long as it is not one of the two scenarios above) they have kept in mind that some 14 year olds are still responsible and feel ready and therefore 14 and 15 year olds can consent to sex with someone within 5 years older than them. To make it easier to understand, click here for a PDF file that showcases the new consent laws quite clearly

Why do parents forbid me to have any physical contacts with girls or even forbid me to have girlfriend?

Each person is unique and has different beliefs and ways of seeing things. Same goes for families. This doesn’t mean that one way is better or more right than another, just different.

It sounds like you don’t agree with your parents’ views on dating and spending time with girls. You may find it useful to initiate an open conversation with your parents about their views. Let them know that you want to understand their reasons for this rule. It’s important to listen with curiosity. You may also want to share your views and see if you can come to a compromise around what works for you and them.

My quesstion is, i am 13 years old and i have sex often with a friend who is much older than me he is 41 and we are really good friends and the sex is so good incredible. Is it bad that he is much older than me . we use really good protection and i am not prgnant. We have sex for 2 years now. Is age a problem. Please write back to me thanks

You've asked a very important question. We know this may not be easy to hear or accept because it's obvious that you care about this man, but it's very important that you know that it's not okay for your adult friend to have sex with you. Although you may enjoy your relationship with this man and think of him as your friend, he is not being a good friend to you. As an adult, he probably knows that what he is doing is against the law.

Adults are not allowed to have sexual relationships with children or teenagers; it's considered a form of abuse when they do. This is true even if the teenager wants to have a sexual relationship with the adult and gives their consent. This rule is meant to protect young people from being used or exploited by adults. In fact, adults who discover that someone is having sexual relations with a child or teen are legally obligated to report this to the police so they can take steps to protect the child or teen. If you had told us about this relationship in person, we would have been obligated to report it to the police. However, because you've told us about this through email, we don't have enough information to share with the police to help them help you.

We are very concerned about this relationship and your well-being. You need to find a way out. Because what this man is doing is against the law, we'd like you to tell an adult you trust and know can help you, maybe your school counsellor or a nurse at your local youth clinic. If you don't feel comfortable talking with an adult you know, you can also call an anonymous line such as the Kid's Help Phone (1-800-668-6868) or the Vancouver Crisis Centre (604-872-3311). If you feel comfortable, you can contact your local police department directly.

Lately I have been noticing that my parents have been buying porno magazines and I found a whole stash of them and they also had these sex toys. Should I tell them that I know about it? If I should can you give me some advice on what to say? What if they hurt me? And also since they have been buying them my brother has told me that my mum and dad asked him one night while I was out if he wanted to have sex with them. What if they ask me? And if they force me to is that considered rape and should I go get help from someone? If I feel like having sex with them am I allowed or is it against the law? I know I have A LOT!! of questions but I hope you can answer most of them! Thank you so much!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I REALLY appreciate it! Thanks again!

Before getting to your other questions, we want to make sure you have the answers you need about the situation with your parents. We think it's great that you are looking for help with this situation. This is likely a confusing and scary situation for you and your brother. It is not okay to for parents to have sex with their children or to even ask their children to have sex. It is considered rape when adults have sex with teens, even if the teen agrees to participate. This is because of the differences in age and power between them. Second, it is illegal for parents to have sex with their children. This is a form of sexual abuse.

You need to tell an adult who can help you with this situation. Would you be willing to send us your name and the school you go to so we can help you? What about talking to one of your teachers, school counsellors, or someone at a youth clinic? If you don't feel comfortable talking with an adult you know, you can also call an anonymous line such as the Kid's Help Phone (1.800.668.6868) or the Vancouver Crisis Centre (604-872-3311). You can contact the police department or make a "third party complaint" through Women Against Violence Against Women (WAVAW) at 604-255-6344, if you live in Vancouver. A third party complaint means you would tell someone at WAVAW about what has happened and they would tell the police for you.

It's not always easy to ask for help. Many people feel dirty or like they've done some thing wrong when things like this happen to them. We want to make sure you know that you and your brother haven't done anything wrong. You've shown a lot of courage to ask the questions you asked. And, asking for help is the right way to deal with this situation.

Would you please send us an email to let us know if you have talked to an adult you trust, called an anonymous line, or would like us to help you talk to someone.

Here are answers to your other questions:

In terms of your parents' pornography and sex toy collection, there are two important things here. First, it sounds like you don't like people using pornography and sex toys. Unless you are talking about child pornography, it's legal for people over 18 to buy and use these items and, as long as the people using them are consenting adults, this is their personal choice. It's also important to know that the vast majority of people who use pornography and sex toys do not force other people to have sex with them. Your parents are adults and are entitled to have their sexuality and privacy.

Which brings us to the second point, it sounds like you may have discovered these items by looking through your parents' things. Although it can be difficult, it's important to treat other people as you want to be treated. And, given your other question about your parents discovering things about your sexuality, it seems you'd like them to respect your right to privacy. We'd suggest you do the same. We would also encourage you to not confront them about THEIR collections. If you want to share your thoughts on these kinds of items, why not start a general conversation? You could ask your parents what they think and share your opinions with them.

Is It Normal? It hurts when...

hi, i have these pimple like things on my vagina. some of them are inside(thet are pretty small) and some are outside(they are larger). one of the big one poped one day, A LOT of puss came out and then it bled, but it came back, and that's when i got even more. i am not having sex, but i do masturbate. could that be the problem? thanx :) ps they have been there for along time. i am worried.

It’s really hard for us to tell you what’s causing these bumps. Bumps around the genitals can be caused by such things as sweat, oil glands, and new or in-grown hairs. Bumps that last for several days may also be a sign of an infection. In this case, it doesn’t sound like a Sexually Transmitted Infection, as you haven’t had sexual contact with someone else. It is also unlikely that masturbating caused these bumps. Infections can result from unclean hands, objects, or products that aren’t intended for your genitals.

The best thing to do is to visit your doctor or youth clinic. They’ll have a better idea of what’s going on and how to treat your condition.

i resently found a pimple on the shaft of my penis. is this normal. i have never had sex so is it jsut a pimple or waht could it be. what should i do to get it to leave. thanks

It’s great that you are familiar with your body and take notice of changes! This is an important part of taking care of your health. It’s very common for people to get pimples and bumps on all the skin all over their body, including around their genitals. Pimples in the genital area can be the result of oil glands, sweat, or a new or ingrown hair. It is best to leave all pimples alone and resist the urge to pop them.

You mentioned that you haven’t had sex. This leads us to believe you are wondering about sexually transmitted infections. Keep in mind that STIs are not only transmitted through vaginal sex. They can also be transmitted through oral sex, anal sex, and genital skin contact. If you haven’t had any sort of sexual contact with someone else, then STIs are not a concern here.

The only way to know for sure whether this is just a normal pimple or something else is to visit your doctor or local youth clinic. This is definitely important if the pimple doesn’t go away, gets bigger, or is painful.

I'm 14 and have been having frequent sex for the past 5 months. Sometimes it hurts when I have sex with my boyfriend, it's not inside but more the entry, some times it burns and/or stings and/or itches (which really concerns me) and I KNOW you will tell me to go to a clinic but this is a kind of an if you can tell me for now before I go kind of thing. Anyways we have considered that there could not be enough lube and the pain may be caused by too much friction. We then use lube but it still hurts. I think it might be that he has a very large penis and that he's stretching the skin around the entry when we don't use enough lube to begin with, because sometimes I bleed at the entry and though I can't see a cut I think it may be cut or stretched. Is that possible? We are very comfertable with each other and have talked about this, but we're not quite sure what this could be, becuase it's not frequent and it doesn't seem to relate to how much sex we're having. Sometimes it happens the first time and sometime s it happens after multiple times. It tends to hurt most when the area (which is the very bottom (close the my anus) of the entry of my vagina) comes into contact with fluids such as saliva (which is our main lubricant because we find that oral before both increases natural lubrication due to arousal and external lube for easier penetration) it also hurts when I pee I think that's mainly due to the fluid contact kind of thing.

It sounds like you’ve put a lot of effort into discovering what’s behind this issue. Knowing about your body and typical causes of problems is an important step for taking care of yourself. It’s also wonderful that you and your partner are comfortable talking about sexual health issues. Your open and proactive attitude will undoubtedly ensure that you find out what’s causing the problem and how to solve it.

Sex should not be a painful experience. When it is, you can think of it as your body’s way of telling you that something is not right. There are many possible explanations for the symptoms you mentioned. The quickest and most effective way to figure out what’s going on is to visit your doctor or local Youth Clinic. They will ask you more questions and do some tests.

It’s important to rule out health issues such as STIs or a urinary tract infection. If untreated, these infections can cause permanent damage. Other possible reasons for the pain may be that you are tense, stressed, or not sexually aroused enough, all of which may result in more micro-tears in the delicate skins of the vulva and vagina.

The vagina is made up of muscles which are generally quite flexible. This means that the vagina should be able to accommodate different sized penises without problem. However, when tense or stressed, the vagina – and other muscles - tends to constrict which makes penetration more difficult.

As you mentioned, lubrication helps reduce friction and makes sexual activity safer and more pleasurable. It is best to use a water-based lubricant which you can buy at London Drugs, as it can safely be used with condoms.

We suggest you bring you boyfriend along with you to the Youth Clinic. That way, he can also get tested for STIs and both of you can find out more about how to take care of your sexual health.

okay..I was fooling around with one of my friends and afterwards i have this red pimple like thing around my nipple. it hurts to touch it, adn when i press on it sometimes puss comes out of it. one time even blood came out. is there somethign wrong with me? when will this this go away?

It’s hard for us to say exactly what has caused this blemish. Most likely, it is just what you said: a pimple. It is not uncommon for people to get pimples on their backs, chest, and even their thighs. Pimples are caused when a pore in your skin gets blocked. Sometimes pimples can be uncomfortable. It's probably best to follow the common dictate not to squeeze pimples.

If this blemish has been around for a while and isn’t acting like a regular pimple, you may want to have your family doctor or one at your local Youth Clinic take a look just to be sure.

I recently had sex with my boyfriend for the second time. The first time I only bled a little but it lasted for 5 days after. The second time though, I bled quite a lot although it stopped right after. I want to have sex with him again but I am afraid that I am just going to bleed like I did the last time. Is there anything that you can tell me to calm my nerves? I'm not sure if this should be happening or not. Thank you so much!

It’s great to see that you are being proactive about taking care of your body! It’s hard for us to say what caused this bleeding without knowing a few more things. There are a number of different things that could have caused this bleeding.

When it comes to being sexually intimate with someone, it’s best if you are able to communicate with your partner about what feels good and what doesn’t. Sex is not meant to be a painful experience. It’s important that you feel comfortable with what’s happening and that your body is sexually aroused. If your vagina has not released enough natural lubricant, intercourse can feel painful and lead to micro-tears in the vaginal lining, which may bleed. You may want to consider asking your partner for more foreplay before intercourse and/or using a water-based lubricant.

If intercourse is still painful even when you and your partner are communicating and ensuring that your vagina is sufficiently lubricated, you may want to see if the way shape of your vagina and/or hymen is causing a problem. A doctor should be able to tell you this during a physical exam.

You said that you bled for 5 days the first time. This is more bleeding than would be expected after first vaginal intercourse. Is it possible that this was the start of your period? The Pill can also cause hormonal disruptions that can lead to irregular spotting, especially when your body is just getting used to it.

The best way to figure out what’s going on is to visit your doctor or local Youth Clinic for a check-up. Once people become sexually active, it’s recommended that they have regular check ups and STI screenings to stay healthy. This would also provide a good opportunity to find out more about birth control and STI/HIV prevention options.

My boyfriend's penis is so big that it pokes me inside. What should I do?

Assuming that you are talking about having vaginal sex (penis in the vagina). The vagina is very flexible and lengthens and widens when a woman is aroused, or if she is going to have a baby. There are many positions for having vaginal intercourse and each affects how the deeply the vagina is penetrated. This is something that should be discussed with your partner so that you can both be comfortable during intercourse. Let him know about what's going on for you and discuss how you can do things differently. Try different positions and see what feels better. You may prefer a position where you control how deeply his penis goes into your vagina. If you continue to experience pain we suggest seeing a doctor.

Can a guy seriously hurt a girl through sex like wreck muscles or something?

Yes, it is possible to be hurt through a physical activity such as sex. Sometimes if it is too rough or hard, it might hurt a woman or a man. Other people prefer it a little rough. The best thing to do is to talk with your partner, and be aware of how she/he is feeling. And don't wait for them to tell you, they may feel shy. Ask them: Does this feel okay? And as a good lover/partner, it is important to watch body language. Are they comfortable? Do they look like they are enjoying it? If you do experience pain during intercourse, it is important to stop and figure out why. Lubricant can be used to decrease pain that can be caused by friction.

I've been going out with my girlfriend now for six months and lately the last few months every time we have sex, I cum almost right away and I can never go on top because I will cum. Is there anything that I can get to help my problem because all I do is think about if I'm going to pleasure her day and night and that is all. I think about it, it's pressure.

Many men ejaculate (cum) sooner than they or their sexual partner would like. Are you using a condom? Not only are condoms great ways to reduce the risks of STIs, HIV, and unintended pregnancies, they are also one way to help an erection last long. Other than that, another suggestion is to masturbate before you have sex. This might help you relax and ease your excitement, which seems to be causing you to ejaculate before you want to. And what about being on the bottom, and allowing your partner to be on top. This can be really sexually arousing for her, and may delay an orgasm for you. Remember that your girlfriend may enjoy other sexual activities like oral sex as well as intercourse; this may ease the pressure you are feeling about pleasuring her.

I just started having sex a while back, but only had it around 6 or 7 times (not on the same day), and I do feel good during sex but it hurts a little after. is it normal to still hurt down there after 6 or 7 sexual intercouses?

Many women experience discomfort from time to time when having vaginal intercourse. This is often a result of feeling emotionally uncomfortable or not being fully sexually aroused during sex. The vagina is made up of muscles. The more relaxed you are, the more relaxed your vagina is, and the easier it is for penetration to happen AND to feel sexually stimulated. The vagina also has a natural lubricant that is secreted when sexually aroused. This helps to make things more slippery and comfortable.

You may want to take some time to think about how comfortable you feel about having sex. Are you ready for this on both a physical and emotional level? How do you feel about the place(s) you have been having sex? Have you been feeling aroused enough before having intercourse? You may also want to talk with your partner about how you are feeling and what kinds of activities make you feel good. Using lubricant can also help to cut back on friction.

My boyfriend finger banged me for the first time. i didnt feel much pleasure except this stingy feeling when he fingered me. Is this normal? I'm worried something is wrong with my body.

Whether riding a bike or trying a new sexual activity, things don't always go smoothly the first time. There are many things that affect the amount of pleasure we feel while being sexually intimate. For a moment, let's think of your body as a machine in which one thing affects another. Your feelings about your relationship to your boyfriend, the space you are in, and whether you feel ready to be involved in the activity affect your physical and psychological (indeed, many people say the brain is the largest sex organ!) experience which, in turn, affects the amount of pleasure you feel.

Feeling comfortable affects the stretchiness of your vagina and your body's natural lubrication processes - both of which makes it easier for things like fingers to slide in - as well as the extent you are able to experience your body's sexual response including orgasms. So, things like your emotional readiness to be involved in the activity, how comfortable you feel with your boyfriend, and how relaxed you feel in the physical space all affect the amount of pleasure you experience.

Communication also goes a long way in ensuring that sexual activity is pleasurable. Each person is unique and likes different things. The best way to help your partner give you the most pleasure possible is to share with him what feels good and what doesn't.

It's also important to keep in mind that your vagina is made up of muscles and delicate tissues. You want to make sure that whatever goes into your vagina is clean and doesn't have sharp edges (like long fingernails) as that can cause damage and infections.

If your vagina continues to sting or sexual activity continues to feel uncomfortable, you may want to visit your local Youth Clinic for a check up.

Is it weired to feel like going to the washroom after orgasm? or sometime during sexual intercouse?

Many women have a sensation that they need to pee when they climax. This may be because their G-spot has been stimulated. In fact, some women release an ejaculate when they orgasm. This is all very normal.

Hi..um well me an my bf well .........um...............................like to fool around naked and stuff..........and then since i didn't feel to great that day i didn't have sex and he suggested that lets use a recorder(those thingies that make music)and i was great about that^^ but then the next day it was like i HAVE to go to the bathroom or i'll pee my pants .....but then it realli hurts to go...like peeing spot. The next day well it didn't hurt during peeing but then......near the end it was like pain x.x...............................and then today well i asked him to poke around for me down there and well the inside of my virgina was like pain and kind of the sides too and goign to the batheroom today well hurts too just not as much but still hurts at the end....oh and um.......i'm just wondering um..............am i pregneant? cause ever since that day i was like peeing more then usual...... and the pee islike kind of clear not realli like yellowy like be fore?..did the recorder hurt some muscles down there cause of the friction? and is there anyway to make the pain go away?...anyways thanks for your time....

It is highly unlikely that you would have gotten pregnant through this activity. In order for a pregnancy to happen sperm have to come into contact with a fertile egg. It is much more likely that your vagina is irritated (the recorder likely had some hard edges), you have an infection in your vagina or bladder.

I know you said you are too afraid to go and hope that you will find the courage to go anyhow. It is really important that you visit a doctor to make sure that everything is okay. Untreated infections can cause permanent damage to your reproductive system and affect your ability to have children in the future.

Taking care of our sexual health isn't always an easy thing to do but it is necessary. Many people are afraid that their doctor or nurse will judge them or don't like the idea of having their vagina or penis examined. Doctors and nurses see a lot of different bodies and injuries, and it's their job not to judge their patients. You may feel more comfortable going to a Youth Clinic. The nurses and doctors there are great people who really understand what it's like to be a teen. And, if you don't want them to know who you are, you can use a pseudonym (for example, Cinderella). They will use this name on your file and any tests you have done.

It's very normal to be curious about your body and sexuality. Keep in mind that your vagina is a very sensitive place. It's made up of soft tissues (which can be easily damaged) and is dark and damp (which provides a nice place for germs to grow if given the chance). It's not a good idea to stick just anything in your vagina. If you and your boyfriend want to use sex toys, it is best to buy something that is made for this purpose. It is also important to clean your sex toys properly and not share them with anyone else to reduce the chance of infections.

me and my boyfriend fools around and stuff and he hasnt fingered me in a while and well the other night he did and i started to bleed.....is there something wrong with me?

It's hard for us to say why your vagina may have bled. The best way to put your worries to rest is to visit your doctor or local Youth Clinic. Youth Clinics are great places; the staff really understands what it's like to be a teen and you don't even have to give them your real name. They will probably ask you question about how much blood was involved, if any pain went along with the bleeding, etc. Some possible reasons for the blood could be that your hymen - a thin piece of skin that covers the entrance to the vagina - was thorn; your boyfriend's fingernails may have made a tiny tear in the skin in your vagina; or your period may have started by coincidence.

Hi, me and my boyfriend decides to have sex yesterday.. and we were just about to.. then when when he was trying to insert his penis in my vagina..it hurt so much.. and it wouldn't go in. So i said stop. But we are ready to have sex.. but how do I get it to not hurt soo much? Do I use lubricant or something? (and can I put it on or whatever before we start fooling around?) Well thanks for your time

It's great to hear that you and your boyfriend are able to communicate so openly about and be respectful of each other in your sexual relationship! That's a wonderful quality to have in a relationship! It's normal and very common for people to experience a wide range of emotions when they decide to do something new, even though they may really want and feel ready to do it! And these emotions may express themselves in any number of ways, including your body reacting all on its own by doing things like tightening muscles. All these emotions and our reactions are often a result of us not knowing exactly what to expect.

The decision to have sexual intercourse for the first time is a big one. There's lots of pressure from the media, friends, and family about sexuality around what's okay, when's okay, etc. There are also lots of stories about what to expect the first time and not all of it sounds pleasant. So, even though you both may feel ready to have intercourse for the first time, have discussed it, and have taken the steps nece ssary to take care of your physical and emotional health, you will likely still experience a wide range of emotions including being nervous. And, being nervous may lead your vaginal muscles to tighten which may make penetration more painful. When you're more relaxed, it's easier for your body to become sexually aroused which will lead your muscles to loosen and your vagina to lubricate itself.

Most likely, you'll both find sexual intercourse more enjoyable if you are comfortable and relaxed. Feeling relaxed is often related to things like being with someone who you care about, trust, and have enjoyed other sexual activities. Perhaps it's wise to take the focus off of having intercourse and, instead, enjoy spending time together and the other sexual activities you have already tried. Many people refer to these other sexual activities as "foreplay" because they arouse us physically and emotionally for intercourse. Other things that may help you to relax include: knowing that you have taken steps to protect your sexual health so you aren't worrying about unwanted pregnancies and STIs; being in control of how deeply and quickly you are penetrated; and putting lots of water-based lubricant on the tip of the penis and vaginal entrance; and remembering to breathe! And, if it does hurt or you suddenly change your mind, it's okay to stop. When and if you're ready, try again. Sexuality is part of being human and you have your whole lifetime ahead of you to explore this aspect of yourself...There's no need to rush.

Hi, I am a grade ten student who had intercourse for the first time last Thursday. I did not bleed at the time. Is this normal/OK? (My counsellor says it is.) On Sunday I had some spotting, but I am not expecting my period until next week. Do you think the spotting is related to the sex? Should I see a doctor? Is this OK?

Spotting can be normal for some girls between periods and, especially among teens, periods can be irregular. Most likely, your spotting is just a normal part of your menstrual cycle. It's also possible that the spotting is related to your hymen breaking. A hymen is a stretchy layer of skin inside of the vagina that some girls are born with. The hymen is broken either by vaginal sex, or even vigorous sports or activities. It's normal to have some questions and concerns about sex and your body, so you can always see a nurse or doctor at a confidential, free youth clinic.

me and my boyfriend have been having sex for awhile, we havent had a problem until now. Were sure we donet have any std or anything... and the last time we did it he complaned that his dick hurt, a day later he got a bit of a blister. I was wondering what it was and should he see a doc, could it be because we did it for along time and the rubing just cause it to blister

The discomfort and blister could be the result of a number of things: an allergy to latex (try a condom made of polyurethane, like the female condom), too much friction (try using some water-based lubricant might help), or an STI. When it comes to concerns about your body and what might be the cause of a health issue, it's best to see a medical professional. Your family doctor or someone at your local Youth Clinic will be able to determine the cause of your partner's discomfort and blister. The only way know for sure if you have an STI is to get tested. Going together would be a great idea! You can find the location of Youth Clinics on our website. In the meantime, as a way for both of you to take care of your health, you should explore safer sex options, such as avoiding genital-to-genital contact or using condoms.

I got a UTI, really bad. For a week I thought it would just go away but it was so bad I got the antibiotic Septra. I took it for the 3 days but it didn't finish its job, I'm still in alot of pain, and i wet the bed twice in a row. Please help me what can I do?

This sounds quite painful. The best way to deal with this is to go see your doctor or a drop-in medical clinic right away.

Recently, my anus has been bleeding on and off. It hurts and is constantly itchy. What could be wrong?

There are a number possible reasons for your anus to be bleeding, and the best advice is for you to go see a doctor. It's not possible for us to make a diagnosis over email. It's possible it's nothing serious, but it would be best if you saw a doctor.

Are We Having It Yet?

Is foreplay considered sex? If someone "eats" you out is it considered sex?

Sex is sometimes considered just to be vaginal intercourse - a penis in vagina. However, sex involves much more than genital-to-genital contact (genitals being your penis or vagina/vulva). Yes, we would consider oral sex (eating out) sexual, as well as other activities such as fingering each other, etc. What you consider as "sex" depends on your own definition, - what you enjoy and what you feel is intimate. Sometimes it seems like people don't think oral sex (i.e. eating out or giving head) is sex because they might be afraid to think or admit that they are having sex. However, it is a very intimate act and it is certainly very sexual. So, it depends on your own definition. You cannot get pregnant through oral sex (that's good if you don't want to get pregnant but still want to have sex), but you can transmit some STIs such as genital warts, herpes, and chlamydia.

What's S/M?

SM stands for sado-masochism. It involves sexual activity in which there is an exchange of power between partners (i.e. one partner is in control and the other is submissive or under their partner's power). There are numerous activities that one could do that are considered S/M such as bondage. It is VERY important that people who engage in S/M talk and consent to the activities before they do it. This, like all sexual activity, is not for everybody. It is also really important to talk and read about S/M talk and consent to the activities before trying it.

Hi, me and my friends were just talking and one of my friends asked when you have sex does the dick go up and down or side to side when its in the vagina?

There is not one specific way to have vaginal sex. Many people like to experiment with different positions, rhythms, etc. to see what feels best to them and their partner. The vaginal canal is longer than it is wide. This means that it is easier for the man to move his penis in and out than from side to side. At the same time, the woman may also enjoy side to side movements as the penis will stimulate more of the vaginal walls and the nerve-endings located there. Instead of following a set of instructions about the “right way” to have sex, the best way to figure out what feels good is to talk with your partner.

Hi, I was wondering.. you know how when you're having sexual intercourse, do you both thrust or does the guy just thrust?

Both or either partner can move in all sorts of ways depending on what feels good. It's up to you and your partner! Each of us is unique in what makes us feel good sexually, and what makes us feel good one day may not work another. Instead of looking for a how-to formula, you may find it more useful to pay attention to your body and see what you like; communicate openly with your partner about what makes you feel good; and ask them what they like.

How do people have sex? Can you show me some pictures?

Sorry, we cannot show you pictures of how to have sex. You could probably find good books on Human Sexuality at the library. There are many ways of having sex: you can kiss, touch the body or genitals with your hands, have oral sex (mouth to either vagina/vulva area on a woman or penis on a man), vaginal intercourse (penis into vagina), anal intercourse (penis into anus) and more! And don't forget to use a condom if you have vaginal, oral, or anal sex!

Beyond Doing It

Well i have this guy and we are goin out but i know we wana both do more than kiss but i've never gaven a blow job or handjob before and i really want to know how to give one of them because i know i will do it i just don't know how please help me quik!! thank you

Here's a question for you: how do you know you both want to go further than kissing? Here at Condomania, we think that a good relationship is one in which people can talk openly about their sexual relationship, what each of them like and/or feel ready for, and how to take care of their health. It's always important to know that both people want to engage in a sexual activity; this is called consent. Other things you might want to talk about with your partner include your own and your partner's beliefs about sex and how you will deal with possible consequences of sex (pregnancy and/or sexually transmitted diseases/infections). If one rushes, some or all of these things may be overlooked, and someone involved may get hurt, emotionally and/or physically. So remember, there's no need to be a rush when it comes to being sexually intimate.

That said, when it comes to sexual activities, there is no "one way" that everyone does things. I would encourage you to talk with your partner about what you just asked us...He is, after all, the best person to tell you what feels good to him.

Can foreplay lead to pregnancy? This is only using hands.

Foreplay is a word used to describe all sexual activity that happens before sexual intercourse. Among other things, this can include kissing, caressing, manual stimulation of genitals, oral sex, etc. Remember, all of these things don't have to lead to sexual intercourse; they can also be the main event!

It is extremely unlikely that hands-only foreplay would lead to pregnancy. For someone to get pregnant through mutual masturbation, a hand would have to first come into contact with semen and then act as a bridge between the male and female's genitals. This could happen, for example, if the same hand was used to stimulate the penis and then was immediately used to stimulate the female's genitals.

Digital Sex

I wanted to know what fingerbanging is and what happends? Also how does a girl masturbate?

Although we do post the Just Ask questions and answers on our website, we don't post the name or email of the people who send us questions.

"Finger banging" is a slang term used to describe the stimulation of the vulva/vagina with hands and fingers. This includes stroking and massaging the clitoris and labia as well as using your fingers to penetrate the vagina. Using lubrication, altering the amount of pressure, and varying the ways you are touching the vulva are all ways of increasing pleasure. Each of us is a unique being and enjoys different kinds of stimulation. Communicating with your partner is a great way to learn more about how they like to be touched.

How a girl masturbates depends on the girl. Some like to stimulate their clitoris and/or vagina with their hands and fingers. Some like to rub their vulva against something texturized. Some like to use a sexual aid like a dildo (which is inserted into the vagina) or a vibrator (which can be used on the clitoris or in the vagina). Some like to caress their breasts and skin. Some like to fantasize. If you want to learn more about techniques for masturbating, you can find books in the human sexuality section at the library.

Oral Sex

What is 69 and how do you do it?

"69" means two people are giving each other oral sex at the same time. Same as any other sex activity, you need to make sure your partner wants to do this. So, ask and if they say "yes", you have consent!

What is oral sex?

Oral sex is when one person puts their mouth on another person's genitals (penis or vagina/vulva). They can use their tongue, lips or teeth. Obviously, for many people this is a very intimate and personal act. If you have oral sex with someone and you are not sure if they have an STD, be sure to use a barrier, such as a condom on the penis or a piece of Saran wrap over the woman's vulva (another word for the vaginal area). Genital warts and herpes are two diseases that can be spread through oral sex.

Hey,my boyfriend asked me if i would give him head and i would only i wouldnt know what to do can you help me?

It's great to hear that you and your partner are talking about how you like to be sexual together! Being able to communicate about sex is an important part of making sure that sex is fun and safe! It will help you to know that everyone is okay with what's going on (this is called consent), what they like, and how you can work together to take care of your health.

"Head" is slang for oral sex on a penis. This means one person is using their mouth and tongue to stimulate the other person's penis and testicles. As all people are different and like different things, the best way to find out what someone likes is to ask them! It's possible that your boyfriend may not know what he likes about oral sex. In that case, you can explore together by having him let you know when he likes the way you're stimulating him.

hi, I'm 15 and I've been going out with my boyfriend for about half a year. He's never asked me for oral sex, but I'm sure he wouldn't refuse it. I was just wondering if you could give me some tips on how to perform it. If I end up doing it, I want to be able to do it well. Thank you soo much. plz write back

It's great that you're thinking about how to give your partner pleasure. Oral sex can be a healthy way to be intimate IF both you and your partner are into it! Before you decide to take this step, it good to be certain sure that you're doing it for the right reasons and that your partner wants to have oral sex. This means talking with your partner.

Communication is a very important part of any relationship. As well, it is one of the most important ways to make sex fun and safer. Talking openly with your partner may not be easy at first but it will allow you to get to know each other's opinions and feelings about sex and sex-related topics. Communicating about sex also helps to make sure that both partners want to participate in the activity. This is called consent.

In terms of what would feel good to your partner, you're most likely to find out if you pose this question to him. Each person is different. What they like to do and have done to them when they are being sexual is different. There is not "one" way to do things when being sexual...Just the same as kissing. Talking with your partner about sex provides a way for you to get feedback from your partner on what feels good and what does not feel good for him. And for you to tell him what feels good for you. There is also a large selection of informative books about sex at your local library if you and your partner are interested in getting some ideas.

hi, im 14, and my girlfriend wants to give me head. i am ready as long as i know its safe and we both dont have stds so what are the risks? plz respond ASAP!

It's great to hear that you and your girlfriend are able to talk openly about sex and what you are both ready for! Knowing yourself and being able to talk openly with your partner are both important step in knowing that you are ready to be sexually intimate.

Many people mistakenly believe that oral sex is 100% safe. Although you won't get pregnant from oral sex, it still comes with the risk of sexually transmitted infections like chlamydia, gonorrhea, syphilis, genital warts, and herpes. In fact, if someone has the kind of herpes that makes sores on the lips and gives their partner oral sex, it's possible that the other person will get herpes sores in their genitals.

You can reduce these risks by covering the penis with a condom and the vulva with a dental dam (you can make one by cutting open a condom and stretching it with your fingers) during oral sex. You can get free condoms from your local Youth Clinic. While there, you and your girlfriend may also want to get tested for sexually transmitted infections. The only way to know for sure if you or someone else has an STI is to get tested.

Is oral sex less pleasurable if you wear a condom?

While it is true that the person receiving may feel a less sensation, the feeling of being protected might make a person feel more comfortable and able to enjoy the experience. Sometimes if we are too worried about STDs it makes us less likely to be able to enjoy sex.

Is it safe to drink semen?

It is relatively safe to drink semen (there is nothing bad in the semen alone). However, in terms of getting STDs or HIV, you need to be careful. If your partner (the one with the penis) has an STD or is infected with the HIV virus, it is possible to transmit these through having his semen in your mouth. This can happen if semen is transmitted into your body through any small cuts in the mouth. For example, experts advise against flossing teeth before oral sex because it can create small holes which can allow fluids (such as semen and vaginal fluids) to enter the body. If you know for sure that your partner does not have an STD, then it is safe to drink his semen. However, to be safe, it is a good idea to practice safer sex by having him wear a condom when giving oral sex.

When having oral sex why does the ejaculation cause my tongue/mouth to have a tingly feeling. I thought it was just me but ive heard of someone else experiencing the same thing. What causes this to happen?

We don't really have a concrete answer to your question. It could be that your body is reacting to the minerals, proteins, and enzymes that make up sperm and seminal fluid. If the feeling is uncomfortable, you may want to make sure that you do not get semen in your mouth. Also, keep in mind that sexually transmitted infections can be carried in semen. It's safest to use a condom during oral sex.

Anal Sex

is it safe to have anal sex without protections, such as condoms? How come in the beginning of anal sex, it feels kinda hard to move but after a while, it becomes more smooth? Is it the pre-cum that's acting as lubricant or actually the feces that's acting as lubricant? I think it is feces because after anal sex, the penis is full of stinky liquid and stuff... Does one have to wash his penis right after the anal sex? You know... wash away the feces and stuff.... is it okay NOT to wash it immediately? Will the bacteria or worms or bad stuff from the anal going to affect the male's health? Also... how come it's harder to ejaculate when having anal sex? oooo another question, how come when I have sex with my partner, (not anal sex) , her vegina seems to be kinda loose and I don't feel like my penis is tightened enough? Is there any ways to make the female's vegina tighter when having sex? Thank you for answering my question.

It’s great that you are looking for information on how to make sex safer. As you may have heard, the only 100% way to avoid pregnancy and sexually transmitted infections is to completely avoid sexual contact with other people. Whenever there is sexual contact between people, there are always risks. Some activities are more risky than others. Check out the Safer Sexy activity in the Pleasure Zone to learn more about these risks.

Anal sex is considered a high risk activity for the transmission of STIs and HIV. Condoms and lots of water-based lubricant go a long way to reduce the risks of anal sex. Anal sex also tends to be safer and more pleasurable when you know a bit about the physiology of this part of the body.

The anus is made of two muscles called sphincters. People are able to voluntarily control the one on the outside: this is the muscle you tighten or loosen when you defecate. The one on the inside is an involuntary muscle. Both of these muscles are designed to push feces out of the body; they are not used being penetrated. Attempting to force something through these muscles too quickly can cause pain and damage for the person being penetrated.

People can learn to relax these muscles with practice. Trust, open communication, and respect help make anal sex safer: it’s super important to listen to the person being penetrated to ensure that they aren’t hurt.

The anal canal (which is about an inch long) leads to the rectum (which is about 5 to 9 inches long), which in turn leads to the colon. The colon is where feces gathers before you have the sensation of needing to defecate. This means the rectum is a passageway for feces and not a storage area. That said, there may be traces of feces as well as any bacteria or parasites that a person has digestive tract. Thus, it is a good idea to urinate and clean up with soap and water after any type of sex and especially if you are moving from anal sex to other activities.

The lining of the rectum is quite thin and delicate, there are lots of blood vessels, and rectum does not self-lubricate like the vagina. This means it’s easy to scratch or tear the lining which can cause bleeding and make it easy for body fluids to move between partners during unprotected anal sex.

You can learn more about the physiology of this part of the body and anal sex through books. The library at AIDS Vancouver is a good place to get accurate information about sexuality and sexual health.

Your question about the tightness of the vagina versus the anus/rectum can also be answered through physiology. The anus/rectum is naturally tighter because the matter moving through it is relative small compared to the vagina. The vagina needs to be able to stretch enough so that a baby can pass through during birth.

The muscle tone in this area also varies from woman to woman and tends to change after childbirth. The tone of the PC muscle, which creates a “sling” from the front to the back of the pelvis, plays an important role in vaginal muscle tone. Women (and men) can strengthen these muscles by doing exercises called Kegels.

Before approaching your partner about her vagina, you should take some time to think a few things over. You may want to consider your motivation: Are you giving her needs and emotions in this situation the same regard as your own? You may also want to reflect on how she will react to your desire for her to have a tighter vagina. She may interpret this as a criticism of her body and feel hurt. For example, how would you feel if she said something about your penis?

If you do decide to bring it up, keep in mind that it’s ultimately up to her whether she wants to do anything about her vaginal muscle tone. People generally do not like to be pressured into doing things for someone else’s sake. And more importantly: attempts to pressure or control someone into doing something you want is not respectful or caring.

Is it safe to have "anal-sex" without a condom? What is bad about "anal-sex" ? Will the anal loosen?

There is nothing “bad” about anal sex. Some people like it and others don’t. Like all forms of sexual activity, there are risks to anal sex. Unprotected anal sex comes with a high risk for STI and HIV infections. The tissue in the rectum is quite thin and delicate which means it is easy to cause micro-tears. These tears make it easier for infections to find a way into the body. You can reduce these risks by using a condom, lots of lubricant, and talking with your partner about what feels okay.

What makes anal sex enjoyable for people? What is stimulated inside that makes it enjoyable to the reciever?

The great thing about our bodies is that they are chock-full of erogenous zones! Each person is unique and so too is their likes and dislikes when it comes to sexuality. We each enjoy having different parts of our bodies stimulated in different ways. This is related to our nerve-endings and where we are most sensitive, as well as our thoughts, beliefs, and feelings. The anus has LOTS of nerve endings and is affected by the same swelling, muscular tensions, and contractions that go along with sexual arousal and orgasm in the genital region. Anal sex can also stimulate the perineal area, women's G-spot, and men's prostate gland.