Virginity

What about my virginity?
Will they know?

What about my virginity?

Hi, my boyfriend and I are both 21, but he is a virgin and I'm not. I've never had a relationship with a virgin before. I was just wondering, will it hurt for him if we have sex? Also if there is anything else that I should know about a guy's first time, thanks.

ItIt’s great to see that you are able to communicate openly with your partner and are sensitive towards his well-being! Guys generally do not experience physical discomfort the first time they have vaginal intercourse. That said, it is not uncommon for guys to experience emotional discomfort.

There’s a lot of pressure, hype, and expectations around the “first time” for both males and females. For example, many gender stereotypes guys face tell them that they must be sexually experienced and knowledgeable in order to be a man. On top of this, many people also have conflicting feelings around whether they are ready to be sexual intimate, what it means for their relationship, what their partner will think about them afterwards, and even fears around pregnancy and STIs/HIV . All of this may leave people feeling a lot of different things all at once: anxiety, excitement, curiosity, love, sexual arousal, etc.

Keeping the lines of communication open around intimacy, expectations, hopes and fears is an important step in ensuring that everyone involved is comfortable. It is also important to respect his boundaries and to be understanding if things don’t go exactly as planned. For example, when stressed out or over-excited, many guys are not able to get or maintain an erection or may ejaculate quicker than they would like.

Hey, I was woundering can a guy tell your a virgin the first time you have sex by how tight u are? even if u do not tell him u are a virgin?

It’s great to see that you’re looking for answers to help you make healthy choices! Let’s answer your questions one by one. First, it’s really hard to tell who is a virgin and who isn’t…Especially since there is not one standard definition of what being a virgin means!

People are very unique and this is also true of their genitalia: the size and muscle tone of vaginas vary from person to person and not all females have hymens (a thin membrane of skin that covers the entrance to the vagina which is often stretched or torn during first intercourse and can result in discomfort and bleeding). In fact, woman can alter the tone of the muscles in the vagina by doing exercises called Kegels. There are also other reasons that a vagina may feel tight: the woman may be anxious and unconsciously contracting her vaginal muscles, she may not be sexually aroused so her vagina has not adequately lubricated itself, etc.

The decision to engage in a new sexual activity can bring up a lot of different feelings. Both people may find they are more comfortable if they have already talked about their readiness, expectations, hopes and fears, and how to take care of their sexual health.

i m 26 female. dr i have a seriouse problem which is concerned with my marriage r u can say with my life. a year ago when i watch a sex movie.i aroused and i start masturbation. i insert my midlle finger into my vagina.it was 4rth day of my periods. when i saw my finger there was blood on it. now i want to know, 1......was my hymen damage at that moment or the blood of my periods? 2.....can a hymen tear by inserting just one finger? 3......is the hymen outside the vagina or inside?some people says that it is deep inside the vagina.how much it is deep?can 3 inch of a finger damge it? dr actullay i cant go to gynecologist coz i cant share it with my mother. plz replay me coz on ur responce i will deside to marry. in our society if the girl with torn hymen get married.she get divorced next day. so plz help me. a needy girl.......from Pakistan

It sounds like you are facing a difficult situation. Although we are not doctors, we hope we can provide you with some helpful information.

The hymen is a thin membrane of skin that connects the sides of vaginal canal. Some people believe that an intact hymen is evidence that a woman has not had vaginal intercourse. However, not all women are born with hymens and many tear or stretch their hymens while riding their bike, doing gymnastics, using tampons, or masturbating. While the blood that sometimes accompanies first vaginal intercourse may be a result of the hymen being torn, this is not the only cause. Bleeding is also associated with the woman not being adequately aroused and her vagina not sufficiently lubricated.

Here are our answers to your three questions:

1. It is impossible for us to say whether your hymen was torn when you masturbated. Even it was torn, this does not mean that you are no longer a virgin.
2. Yes, a finger can tear or stretch the hymen. Common physical activity can also tear or stretch the hymen.
3. It is located near the entrance of the vagina.

Perhaps there is a local doctor who could help explain this to your parents and the families of your suitors? It is not uncommon that scientific knowledge and cultural beliefs do not match up exactly.

Are you still a virgin if you have oral or anal sex?

Virginity is an idea that people have created and means different things to different people. Even the dictionary lists many different meanings! To some people, it means never having had sexual intercourse. To others, it means not having engaged in any sexual activities with someone else. You'll have to decide what it means to you. That said, both oral and anal sex are sexual activities and should be treated as such. No matter what kind of sexual activities you are engaging in, it's important to make informed decisions that take care of your health. This includes using condoms to reduce the risk of STIs and HIV.

Okay i'm Homo sexual and i have a question to ask. If i have sex with my partner and i stab my penis into his butt will i loose my virginity as well or will i still keep it too?

The question of virginity is a rather murky one that doesn't have a simply answer. Traditionally, virginity was defined by the breaking of the hymen (a thin membrane covering the entrance of the vagina) by the penis during the first time a woman had vaginal intercourse. These days, however, everyone seems to have their own definition of what sexual activities constitute losing one's virginity. Even the dictionary doesn't offer an easy "catch all" definition! Instead, it defines a "virgin" as someone who has never had sex and "sex" as activities associated with sexual intercourse as well as the feelings resulting from the urge to gratify sexual impulses.

Because "virginity" is such an abstract concept, we encourage people to look inside themselves for a definition that fits their values and beliefs. Here are some questions to help you come up with your definition: What's behind your concern about whether you still be a virgin if you penetrate your partner and not vice versa? What's important to you about being a virgin? What sexual activities do you feel ready to engage in? How might things be different if you weren't a virgin? The important thing is that you feel comfortable with what you are doing...There's lots of sexual activities to choose from if you don't feel ready for penetrative sex.

Regardless of what you decide about virginity, we can definitely say that having anal sex with someone does make you sexually active. And, it's important to keep in mind that all sexual activities come with a certain amount of risk, whether it's possible emotional upsets or STI infections. If you're going to be sexually active, it's important to be ready to take responsibility for your sexual health. This includes: talking with your partner about being sexual and how to make things safer, making sure that you both are ready and want to have sex (this is called consent), getting the supplies you need like condoms and lube, and having regular medical check-ups.

In Canada, the age that people can legally consent to having anal sex is 18 years. If you and your partner decide to have anal sex, keep in mind that the rectum is a very sensitive area. It's important that you use a condom and lots of lube; this will both make things more pleasurable and reduce the chance of STI or HIV infection. Make sure you are listening to your partner; whoever is being penetrated should be in charge of how deep and how fast they are penetrated. You don't want to hurt them.

hey i was just wondering how can you tell if a guy is a virgin or not and how can you tell if a girl is a virgin or not? thanks.

The question of "virginity" is something a lot of people wonder about. At one time, it was extremely important for women to be virgins until they were married. Whether the hymen (a thin membrane covering the entrance of the vagina) was intact or broken was used to prove a woman's virginity. This, however, isn't a reliable way to tell if a woman has had vaginal intercourse because hymens can be broken through everyday activities like riding a bike. Nowadays, it's hard to say what exactly makes a guy or a girl a virgin. Each of us has our own way of understanding "virginity". Some people think it's related to vaginal sex only. Other people would broaden that definition to include other sexual activities.

The most reliable way to find out if someone is a virgin or not is to ask them. Keep in mind that this is a very personal question so don't try to force an answer out of someone. To make sure you are both on the same page, you may want to explore what both of you think "virginity" means and why "virginity" is important or not important to you. Also, keep in mind that even if someone says they are a virgin, it is still important to use a condom during sexual activities to prevent pregnancy and sexually transmitted infections.

Whether male or female, the only way to know if someone is a virgin or not is through communication. Before asking someone about what virginity means to them and whether they are a virgin, you may also want to think about WHY this is important for you to know.

hi. when a female looses her virginity does she bleed? i just wanted to know, because my boyfriend and i have been discussing sex and i don't want any unusual surprises.thanx.

There isn't a hard and fast answer to your question. Some women bleed and others don't. It really depends on your body, particularly your hymen (a thin membrane at the entrance of the vagina). Some women bleed the first time they have vaginal intercourse because their hymen is torn when the penis enters the vagina. However, not all women are born with hymens and others may already have stretched or torn their hymen while, for example, riding their bike, using a tampon, or masturbating.

You'll likely find that your first experience with vaginal intercourse is more enjoyable if you are relaxed and feel comfortable with your partner and what you are doing together. Communication, a key part of any relationship, can help with this. It's a good idea to talk with your boyfriend before having sex about what it may be like to have sex, how it may affect you and your relationship, as well as both of your expectations and concerns. It's also important to communicate while you're having sex: what feels good, what doesn't, what would you like, what would your partner like, etc.

I am only 14 years old, and I really am not that knowledged about sex, and I wanted to know if you get fingered by your boyfriend or someone could you lose your virginity? I had never had sex or did anything like this before. I enjoy my boyfriend doing this, but the last time he did it ( He only did it to me 3 times), it hurt down there, and im scared, and im very confused!!!!! Could u plez tell me my question, and what should i do?????

Virginity is a tricky concept to define, mostly because each person has their own idea of what it means to be a virgin. Traditionally, female virginity was defined as having had no sexual contact and was proven by an intact hymen (a thin membrane of skin - that most but not all girls are born with - that covers the entrance to the vagina). Nowadays, some people see virginity as connected to first vaginal intercourse. However, many people have been sexually active but not participated in vaginal intercourse so this definition of virginity is not entirely adequate for describing sexual experience.

In our mind, the question that is most important here is not whether you've lost your virginity but whether you are comfortable and feel good about the things you are doing with your boyfriend. Each new thing that we try in life can bring a lot of different emotions; it may be exciting, scary, and confusing. What's important is that you feel comfortable and ready to take on this kind of experience and are taking steps to take care of yourself. This includes talking to your boyfriend about what you feel comfortable with and what you like.

You mentioned that it hurt that last time he touched your vulva. You may want to consider using some lubricant and making sure that you feel relaxed and comfortable. When women feel tense, their vaginal muscles tighten which can lead to discomfort. Perhaps, this is also an indication that you two should talk about how he is touching you: let him know if it hurts as well as what feels good, so that he can avoid making you feel uncomfortable.

does it count loosing your virginity when a female is finger banged and it hurts just a little bit?

This is a difficult question to answer as everyone has their own definition of what "virginity" is and what types of sexual activities make someone a virgin or not. Many people define a virgin as someone who has not had vaginal intercourse (e.g., a penis in a vagina). This is a very heterosexual way of looking at things. For example, is a 50 year-old woman who has only been sexual with other women still a virgin? Some people connect female virginity to the breaking of the hymen (a thin piece of skin in the vagina); this is what people are referring to when they say someone had her "cherry popped." However, this doesn't provide a good definition of male virginity. To yet other people, virginity is about sexual experience. And here, you have to decide what activities are the ones that determine whether you're a still a virgin: does kissing count? Petting? Dry humping? Oral sex? Etc. The short and the long of this is that there is not one easy definition of virginity. Each person has to decide for themselves what virginity means and what it means to be a virgin.

That said, there are many reasons why it may hurt when a female's vagina is stimulated with fingers. For example, her hymen may have been stretched or broken, her vaginal muscles might have been tight if she was nervous, her vagina might not have been lubricated enough, or her partner's fingernails may have been too long. Communication is an extremely important part of good relationships and sex. It's great to be able to talk to your partner about what feels good and what you both like and dislike. You may also want to explore using a water-based lubricant to cut back on friction.

Is it true that the first time you "do it" it REALLY hurts??? (for a girl)

Great question! This is something many people wonder about! The answer is it depends on the girl: some experience pain and some don't during the first time their vagina is penetrated by a penis, fingers, or another object. Whether a girl experiences pain depends on a wide variety of things, including how emotionally ready they feel and if they are comfortable with their partner. The more relaxed and comfortable you are, the more relaxed the muscles in your vagina will be and the easier it is to be penetrated. It's also easier to relax if you are using a condom so you aren't worrying about pregnancy or STIs. It's great to learn more about how to take care of your sexual health and talk to your partner about this well in advance of having sex. Also, depending on the girl, the hymen - a thin piece of skin the covers the vaginal entrance - may be torn or stretched during first penetration which can cause some discomfort and bleeding.

I was having sex with my partner but soundly I start bleeding and my vagina start hurting so we decide to stop but the pain just doesn't go. What should I do so the pain goes away. I also wondering if after bleeding a little does it mean I lost my virginity if we never finish having sex. and can there be possibilities I could get pregnant.

It's great to hear that you're aware of what's happening in your body. Listening to and respecting your body, heart, and mind is an important part of taking care of oneself. We aren't able to tell you over the Internet exactly what's behind this pain. If the pain isn't easing up, you should consider going to see your doctor or local Youth Clinic.

In the meantime, we can give you some general information about virginity and pain. In the past, the concept of virginity was much easier to define because people – especially women – were expected to have absolutely no sexual experiences before marriage. The breaking of the hymen – and the pain and bleeding that can accompany it - was used as proof of a woman's virginity. However, some women aren't born with hymens and other women's get torn while biking, horse riding, doing gymnastics, etc.

Today, many people use virginity to define someone who has not yet had vaginal intercourse. This definition over looks a lot of people who are sexually experienced but haven't had vaginal intercourse. For example, should a 90 year old lesbian who's been sexually active since her 20s really be called a virgin?! Because there are still a lot of taboos around sexuality, some people want to be virgins and be sexually active. This can leave people engaging in unprotected sexual activities – like oral sex without a barrier - because they don't think of it as “real” sex.

Here at Condomania, we think the best decisions about sexuality are made when people know and respect their own sexual values and limits. Perhaps a good starting point is to examine what virginity means to you, what makes it important, and what qualities you want in an intimate relationship. We think it's a good idea to talk with their partner about these questions.

Although the definitions used to define virginity are subjective, the possibilities of a pregnancy and STI/HIV infection associated with different sexual activities are not. There is always a possibility of a pregnancy or an STI/HIV infection when a penis and vagina come into contact, even if the man does not ejaculate. This is because there is a tiny bit of fluid – called pre-semen – released by the penis when it's first aroused.

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Will They Know?

Will your parents know? Can your parents tell if you are sexually active, by the way you behave?

It's very hard to tell who's having sex just by looking at them! So, no, your parents shouldn't be able to tell if you are sexually active. If you do not want other people to know you are having sex, you should be discreet about when and where you are sexually active. You should also store your condoms in a safe place and consider wrapping them in toilet paper before throwing them in the garbage.

Ok i was wondering if there is any way of knowing if a couple have been having sex in a certain room. Is there a smell that you can smell as soon as you walk into a room and know that there were people recently having sex in this room?

This is a tricky question without a definitive answer. Unless you leave something in the room that raises suspicions - say a condom or someone else's underwear - there really isn't any way of knowing someone definitely has had sex there. That said, there are scents that can accompany sex. Each of us is unique and has our own natural scents, including our vaginal fluids, semen, and sweat. Once out of the body, bacteria are attracted to these body fluids and can produce odors. Just like gym clothes, it's important to keep the space you have sex in clean so it stays fresh. Bed sheets are great in that they can easily be laundered. Things like condoms and lubricant can also have scents. That said, none of these scents are, generally speaking, strong enough to linger for long in a room.

hi. i was wondering if there is any possible way for me to get on the pills without my parents knowing about it? and where is the closest clinic to me? thankx for your time.

If you live in the Lower Mainland, you can visit your local Youth Clinic for sexual health information and services including birth control pills. The Youth Clinic staff can give you a prescription for birth control pills, without your parents being involved, and some more information about how to use them and possible side effects. You can find a list of Youth Clinic addresses on our website. Remember, birth control pills only help prevent pregnancy; you still need to use a condom to help prevent STDs.

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