Relationships
Under Pressure
Same-Sex, What is it?
Relationships
How do I know if I'm ready?
How do I talk with my partner?
Under Pressure
I was wondering, if my girlfriend said that she wants to have sex and says, "I want you without a condom." What should I do?
It is important that you do what is best for you. You need to decide if you want to have sex with your partner and what kind of precautions you want to take. If you have sex without a condom, you are risking contracting an STI or impregnating your girlfriend. Be strong and don't fall into the "I want you natural" trap. She might say she wants you without a condom but tell her the condom protects both of you from pregnancy and from getting an infection. And remember that if you do decide to have sex, wearing a condom can make sex feel better because you will probably feel more relaxed and less worried.
Hi, I'm 14 years old....you see there's this guy i REALLY like...and i liked him in grade 6...and i just started talking to him again but almost every time we talk he asks me to masturbate, so i tell him i am even thought I'm not just to talk to him....it kinda makes me uncomfortable but its worth it cause i really really like him..luckily thought, lately we've had normal conversations. Please tell me how you feel about this and also...there are 2 things I'm not totally clear on...What exactly is "dry sex" and how do guys masturbate...it seems weird lol thank you for your time!
It sounds like you're facing the age old dilemma of balance the needs and desires of partners in this relationship. On one hand, you have feelings for your and want to spend time with him. On the other, he is asking you to do things you don't seem to be comfortable with. And, sometimes our feelings for people and desire to be romantically involved with them can make it hard to decide what's okay or healthy for us. There are many ways you can deal with this dilemma and, ultimately, you are the one who will have to decide what's best for you. Here are some thoughts that might help you with this decision.
When people are involved in a sexual relationship, it's important that all partners are comfortable and willing to engage in each and every activity - whether kissing, petting, having intercourse, or asking someone to masturbate. This is called "consent" and means that partners communicate openly about what they want and don't want to do. Your friend's request that you masturbate is only his request. You have the right to decide if you want to do this or not; that is, you decide whether you consent to participating in the activity.
As he has made this request more than once, I suspect that he will likely ask you again. If you want to continue to build a relationship with him, you should considering talking to him about this request. You could share with him that you don't feel comfortable with his request, ask him more about why he wants you to masturbate while talking to him, and, even, ask him what he wants out of your friendship. Once you know more about what's going on, you can make an informed decision about how to proceed with the relationship. Maybe you'll find out that he really likes you too...Plus you might learn more about ways that both of you feel comfortable with expressing your feelings sexually. You may also find out that he isn't respectful of your feelings and boundaries, and simply isn't someone you want to be in a relationship with.
To answer your other questions, "dry sex" basically includes everything you do sexually when you're turned on - such as touching, kissing, stroking genitals, etc. with the exception of penetration - but with your clothes on. Because there is no genital to genital contact, dry sex is a great way to prevent STDs and pregnancy.
In terms of how boys and men masturbate, each person is unique and so too are the ways in which they like to stimulate themselves sexually. They may like to stroke the shaft of their penis gently or firmly, play with their testicles, and caress their body. Masturbation is a great way for people to learn about their bodies and what makes them feel good.
My boyfriend wants me to give him head because i cheated on him and i did that with the other boy that i was cheating on him with and i told my self that i would never do that again and i think that he's going to get mad at me because of that do you think i should do that.
At Condomania, we believe that respect, trust, and open communication (including consent!) are the backbones of a healthy relationship. It sounds like you and your boyfriend need to talk about what happened and how this affects your relationship. Your boyfriend's feelings were probably hurt when you cheated on him. However, this does not give him the right to force you to do things you don't want to do. It's up to you to decide whether, when, and with whom you want to do any sexual activity. This is called "consent" and forcing someone to do something without consent is called sexual assault. Two wrongs don't make a right. If the you and your boyfriend are not able to find a resolution that works for both of you, maybe it is best to consider ending the relationship.
Same-sex sex: What is it?
How can I have sex with a girl? Can you tell me how and what moves to do? Maybe some pictures would help, if possible. Any sites where you could get pictures about lesbian sex? Can we eat each other out, or make out or lick anuses? There's no way to get pregnant though right!
There is a wide range of things that people do when having sex. So, the only thing that's different about sex for lesbians is that there is not a penis. Some lesbians include sex toys in their sexual activities and others don't. Same as with heterosexuals, what people do when have sex all depends on what they enjoy. As for getting pregnant during sex, this requires sperm. So, if there isn't someone with a penis and sperm, then pregnancy isn't possible. This doesn't mean that you can't get STIs through sex with another girl so make sure you're using barriers like a dental dam.
Relationships
My girlfriend watch a lot of adult movies. She said to me the guyz in the movie has big penis and she asked me for my size. My penis is about 11.8cm and she expects some where around 6 inches. What should do and how can I tell her?
It sounds like you really care about your partner and want her to like you. It’s very normal for people to worry about whether they measure up to their partner’s expectations and even if they are good enough to be loved.
When the standard for comparison is actors and models, it can feel nearly impossible to measure up. This makes sense because what we see in the media including adult entertainment - is fantasy and is not a realistic representation of everyday people in everyday life. Many people find it easier to distinguish between media-created fantasy and reality when it comes to things like stunts, than things like physical beauty or what makes for a healthy romantic relationship. This can lead people to have unrealistic expectations of themselves and their partners.
Each person out there is a very unique being and is good enough just as they are. We all are different sizes and shapes, we like different things, we have different senses of humour, etc. We are able to influence some parts of who we are (like our style) while others are determined by things that are out of our hands (like the size of our body parts). It’s more important that someone’s body is healthy and functions well than that it’s a specific size. Besides, the world would be a very boring place if we all looked exactly the same!
The obvious issue is the difference between media-created fantasies and reality. You may want to ask your partner some general questions about her perceptions of the media like what parts she believes and what parts she thinks would not be possible in reality. You may also want to discuss what role and importance both of you give to size and shape of body parts, and whether this matches up with reality.
The more important issue from our perspective is how you are feeling about being compared to what she has seen in movies. This is called feedback. People are most receptive to feedback when they don’t feel like they are being blamed or attacked. One great tool for sharing feedback is to use I statements. This means talking about yourself and how you feel instead of telling the other person they did something wrong or caused your feelings. In this situation, you might say something like: I’ve been feeling uneasy after we spoke about the penises you saw in those movies. I’m scared that you may not like me or want to be in a relationship with me if my penis is not as big as the ones you’ve seen in the movies.
It takes a lot of courage to be open about one’s feelings, especially when it means sharing fears or the things one doesn’t like about ones self. That said, it can go along way to making relationships long-lasting and healthy. Keep in mind that an important part of caring for someone is accepting them as they are. If someone isn’t open to accepting you as you are and caring about your feelings, then maybe they are not the right person to be with.
Thx a lot for ur valuable answer. But it is quite hard for me to end this relationship because i love her a lot and in today's society , most of the girls are impressed with big penis. what can I say to make her understand?
We definitely are not recommending that you end your relationship. Rather we are recommending that you talk with your girlfriend both about the idea that penises must be big and how you are feeling around her desire for a big penis.
When a relationship is healthy, people should feel like they can communicate openly about their thoughts, feelings, and desires. Healthy relationships are based on care and respect. This provides a really important foundation for dealing with the conflicts and differences of opinion that inevitably arise in any relationship. For the most part, people find that they can’t have everything exactly as they want it in a relationship. Instead, they have to find solutions that are mutually acceptable to both partners. Keep in mind that conflicts are more easily solved when you approach them in a collaborative way, focusing on strengthening your relationship.
A difficult thing about relationships is that we really cannot control what another person thinks, feels, or does. The only person we are able to truly and fully influence is ourselves. We can share our ideas, thoughts, and feelings and we tell someone what we’d like. After that, how they respond is out of our hands. This can be painful and difficult to accept.
You may or may not be able to make your girlfriend understand that you have the penis size that you have. You may or may not be able to make her understand that larger penises do not automatically equal better penises. You may be able to help her see this if you explore whether the beauty ideal placed on women is realistic and how girls feel when compared to these standards. However, if she is determined to be in a relationship with someone with a penis of a certain size, there is very little you can do otherwise. This may be an awkward and painful conversation. It may also be a conversation that brings you two closer together.
my boyfriend is think about gettn me a promise ring for my birthday and we have only been goin out for 1 year...what does a promise ring mean?
This is a great question and it presents you with a fabulous opportunity to talk to your partner about your relationship! Everyone here at Condomania has a slightly different idea of what a "promise ring" actually symbolizes. What we all agreed upon is that giving a ring to someone is a way of showing that you really care about them. We've also agreed that the person getting the ring may have a different understanding of what the ring symbolizes than the person giving it. Thus, talking about the ring is the only way to know what it means for the relationship.
Right now, the only person who really knows exactly what giving you this ring is meant to symbolize in your relationship is your partner! We suggest that you find a way to ask him what the ring means to him as well as sharing what you'd like it to mean. It's important that you both understand and agree what the ring means about your relationship. This can help to make sure you're both on the same page, and avoid miscommunication and disappointment in the future.
How do I know if I'm ready?
hey, um k i juss had a question...k um i really wanna have sex cuz like ive already done evrything else but like wen the chance comes i always chicken out. its really annoying. im also afraid my mom will find out. what do i do?
It’s great to see that you’re aware of and listening to your feelings! It sounds like you are making healthy decisions rather than chickening out?Even if this does feel annoying!
The decision to have sexual intercourse for the first time is a big one. It’s common for people to have many different thoughts, feelings, and desires and these don’t always match up. There are many things that affect this decision from one’s values and beliefs to the body’s sexual drive. Sometimes people find that their body feels ready or they are curious about trying something new while their emotions are telling them to slow down. Sexual arousal and desire doesn’t mean that we are emotionally ready for a sexual experience or that we are in a relationship where we can make healthy and safe sexual decisions.
It’s also common for teens to worry about how their parents will respond to their decisions. This is another thing to consider as you decide whether you are ready for sexual intercourse. A first step is to consider what’s behind your worries (for example, what are your family’s values around sex), what might be the consequences if she did find out, and how you would handle these consequences. You may want to think of ways you could explain how you made your choice, why you think your ready to be sexually active, and how you are being responsible for your sexual health.
Most likely, you’ll be happiest with your decisions about sexual intercourse when all your different parts feel ready for the experience. It’s not an easy decision to make so be patient with yourself! When you do decide that you are ready, you may want to visit your local Youth Clinic to ensure that you have condoms and birth control to reduce the risks of unintended pregnancy, STIs, and HIV.
How do I know if I’m ready for sex? Is there a specific age when people are ready?
There is no specific age or time when EVERYONE is ready to have sex. WE are all different in so many ways, so we are ready to have sex at different times. Some people prefer to wait until they are in a lifetime committed relationship, and others do not. We think that if you are thinking about having sex you have to ask yourself some questions. Some questions to think about are: Why am I wanting to have sex? Is it for me or to make my partner happy? How will I feel afterwards? Why do I want to have sex? Am I ready to take on the responsibilities and risks of having sex? Can I communicate openly with my partner about sex? Those are just some of the questions. The most important thing is that it is YOUR decision. And that YOU feel good about it!!! It's important that you don't feel pressured into having sex when you don't feel good about it! You also have to thoroughly think out the consequences, like the chance of getting STIs and/or pregnant. Also, take into consideration the emotional consequences, like the chance of getting STDs and pregnant. What if you feel like you made the wrong decision afterwards? What if you feel guilty? Wish you could take it back? A mature, well-thought-out decision won't have you grasping for answers to these questions in the end.
hey! i was really thinking hard about this question ... sometimes me and my boyfriend really want to have sex ... but then when we don't see each other i'm not even a bit interested of having sex ... but when we are together ... i start to have feelings that i really want to do it ... but should i? should i consider the consequences .. like pregnancy... parents.. etc
The decision to start being sexual with someone else - whether it's kissing, petting, or intercourse - is a very personal one. There's no right age to start being sexual. It depends on when a person feels "ready" and this is connected to things like your personal beliefs, what you want from your relationship, and ability to handle the potential emotional and physical consequences.
And, as you've notice, what you think you want may be very different when you're sexual aroused than when you're not! When we are sexually aroused, the desire for sexual stimulate can affect our decision-making. It's best to decide what you're ready for and to talk to your partner about this when you are not sexually aroused. Talking about this with your partner is a good way for you to get to know each other better. It may also make it easier for you both to be supportive of the other person's decision. The best time to start having sex is when both people are ready to take this step.
You've brought up some good things to keep in mind when making this decision. Here are some more things you and your partner may both want to think about when deciding if you are both ready for sexual intercourse:
* What are your reasons for wanting to become sexual? How will you react if your experience doesn't meet these reasons? Are these healthy reasons? Do they fit with your values and beliefs?
* Who do you want to do this for: yourself or your partner?
* What do you expect from intercourse? Do these expectations match with reality?
* Are you prepared to deal with the possible consequences such as becoming pregnant or catching an STI?
* Are your prepared to deal with the possible emotions - including disappointment and confusion - that might come up?
* Have you taken the necessary steps to take care of your sexual health such as getting condoms and learning more about STIs?
Choosing when to start having sexual intercourse is not a simple decision. I'm sure that you'll be happier with your decision if you take the time to really get a sense of what you want and need in before taking this step.
My best friend just got asked out by this hot guy, so they've been going out for about a week, and he's really horny all the time, like when he hugs her or they're kissing be always has a boner, so yah and he asked her to have sex and she told me that she wants to do it but she doesn't want to get pregnant or get STD's, so I told her that she should use a condom, but she's scared it might break, what is the chance that the condom can break?
Should you use 2 or does that increase the chance that it might break?
I told her that if she doesn't want to use a condom that she should go on the pill but she said she's scared that her dad will find out since she lives with him. Can your parents tell if you're on the pill? Also are they expensive and is there a place where she could get them for free?
Also she said that if he's the one that wants sex that he should be the one to buy the condoms, do you agree with that?
Thanks for your help and please reply soon as she's planning to do it this weekend and she doesn't know that i'm asking you!! THANKS :)
P.S. she's only 14...is that too young????
It's great to hear that you are concerned about your friend's health and well-being! We hope that you will be able to share this information with her so she can make informed choices about her sexual health. Here are our answers to your questions:
It can be really fun and exciting to date. Healthy relationships take time to develop: a lot of work goes into getting to know each other, building trust and respect, and discovering who you are to each other. Sex is one way that people express their intimacy with their partner. It can be hurtful to find out after having sex that you and your partner had different expectations for the relationship. Your friend may want to think about what kind of relationship she wants with this guy and decide if they are already at that point. Building a healthy relationship and deciding how and when to be sexual involves a lot of communication.
Each of us is unique and will feel ready to have intercourse for the first time at different points. Being ready to be sexual is more complex than being physically aroused (being turned on or having an erection). Here are some things you may want to encourage your friend to think about before deciding to become sexual:
1. What are your reasons for wanting to become sexual? How will you react if your experience doesn't meet these reasons? Are these healthy reasons? Do they fit with your values and beliefs?
2. Who do you want to do this for: yourself or your partner?
3. What do you expect from intercourse? Do these expectations match with reality?
4. Are you prepared to deal with the possible consequences such as becoming pregnant or getting an STI?
5. Are your prepared to deal with the possible emotions - including disappointment and confusion - that might come up?
6. Have you taken the necessary steps to take care of your sexual health such as getting condoms and learning more about STIs?
It sounds like you and your friend have spoken a bit about taking care of her sexual health. I think a visit to your local Youth Clinic would be a good idea. The nurses there are wonderful people and will be able to provide you with more information about your body and sexual health, test for STIs, prescribe birth control, and give you FREE condoms. You may also want to encourage her to bring her boyfriend along.
Condoms, if used properly, are about 97% effective for both preventing pregnancy and the transmission of STIs. If your friend is concerned about something going wrong with the condom, taking birth control is a great back-up measure for avoiding pregnancy. However, birth control does not prevent STIs and it takes about 1 month for it to start working. You can get birth control from the Youth Clinics without your parents knowing. There is no way some can tell you are using birth control just by looking at you.
Should you use 2 or does that increase the chance that it might break?
Your thought that using two condoms increasing the chances of it breaking is right! It is safest to only use ONE male or female condom. Using more condoms creates more friction and this increases the chance of breakage. As condoms protect both partners and each of us is responsible for our own health, both partners should take responsibility for ensuring that condoms are available and used properly.
How do I talk with my partner?
I have been seeing this girl for awhile and regular sex just isn't cutting it for me anymore, and when she is having her period it is the worst because she wont give me blowjobs. I have been trying to convince her to have anal sex with me for awhile, but she doesn't seem to be into it. Do you have any tips on what I could tell her to try and convince her that anal sex is not that bad or any idea how I could trick her into it? She is most worried about it hurting her, so do you think it would dull the pain a bit if we had a few drinks beforehand?
It’s great to see that you are talking with your partner about sex. Open communication is a very important part of a healthy relationship. In fact, it is an absolute necessity when it comes to sexual relationships.
Open communication means being able to share your thoughts, feelings, desires, boundaries, etc. with someone else. It also means listening to and respecting the thoughts, feelings, desires, boundaries, etc. of the other person. In this case, respect means working to understand and accept the other person’s point of view without trying to change it or them.
It sounds like you have the first half of the equation down pat. In this case, you were able to talk about what’s going on for you in your sexual relationship and what you would like to do. However, it sounds like you have some work to do on the second half: you are not respecting your girlfriend’s boundaries.
There can be serious emotional and legal consequences when we do not respect other people’s boundaries. An important concept in sexual relationships is called ‘consent’. This means that everyone involved is voluntarily saying ‘yes’ to participating in a sexual activity, both through their words and body language. If the same message is not being communicated with words and action for example, someone is saying ‘yes’ but pulling back physically than there is not consent.
Sexual activity that happens without consent is called sexual assault and is against the law. Not only does sexual assault come with legal repercussion such as jail time, it also causes considerable emotional harm to the person who was assaulted.
It is not okay to continue to pressure or try to trick someone into giving consent to a sexual activity. Doing this means that they are not voluntarily saying ‘yes’. It is also not okay to use alcohol or drugs as a way to get a ‘yes’. In fact, people are not legally able to give consent while under the influence of substances. If you were charged with sexual assault, it would be looked upon very badly if you had intentionally got someone intoxicated so that you could get them to engage in a sexual activity.
So, what can you do about your dilemma? The first thing is to continue using your communication skills. Sexual activity tends to be most pleasurable when both people are comfortable with themselves and their partner, and can talk about their sexual relationship and what they like in a respectful way.
Remember: thinking about your girlfriend’s needs and experience is just as important as thinking about your own. Have you asked her about how your current sexual relationship is for her and what she’s interested in trying?
Not everyone likes the same things so you may need to explore different options to find activities that both you and your girlfriend are interested in. There are lots of books out there that provide ideas on how to increase sexual pleasure, including books on how to have safer and pleasurable anal sex. Also, don’t forget that the mind plays a big role in sexual experience and that our skin is actually our largest erogenous zone!
If you are absolutely committed to having anal sex, you should reconsider whether this is the right relationship for you. This would be a much healthier approach than looking for ways to get your partner to do something she doesn’t want to do.
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